Many students have recently come to a realization that teachers have been living in their classrooms after school for years. There has been much speculation that all of the janitors know about this, and they help teachers hide it from all students. Mrs. Blair sleeps in her art room with a bunch of sculptures creepily staring at her, and Mrs. Kanitz allegedly has her own apartment behind her office. 

An anonymous student ’28 reported that he began realizing that teachers stay overnight after he drove by the school at midnight and the teachers parking lot was still full, as well as many lights inside the school still remaining on. Another student ’26 walked into Mr. Lefere brushing his teeth in the science department lab, with Mr. Harvey washing his face next to him. Gigi Licari ‘27 mentioned how she noticed that Mr. Sherman was wearing pajamas under his suit during their lessons not once, not twice, but three times: “under his white button up, I could clearly see a t-shirt with little cartoon vegetables peeking through. It was exactly what I imagined his pajamas to look like anyway, but I thought he would’ve at least pretended to be ready for school.”

Valeria Rodriguez ‘27, who attends tutoring after school, said that she had to go to her locker since she had forgotten an assignment she had to do by the next day, and when she passed the chemistry lab she saw that the science department teachers were cooking dinner for every other teacher. They were seen fighting the Bunsen burners and berating them for not boiling the water.

Slowly every department is getting caught doing different stuff around the school throughout the night. 

• English department: mopping the 3rd-5th floor 
• Science department: vacuuming the floors in the STEAM building 
• Math department: cleaning the bathrooms in the STEAM building
• Social studies/History department: mopping from 1st-3rd floors
• Language department: cleaning the bathrooms from 1st-3rd floors 
• Fine arts department/Physical education department: cleaning the bathrooms from 3rd-5th floors

In response, Catholic Central administration has come out with a statement saying that NO TEACHER lives on school property, and they also asked students to STOP making assumptions based on lights being on throughout the night. 

Happy April Fools!