The Aldrich family will be welcoming quintuplets on June seventh of this year, in addition to their two young children. This will put them neck and neck with the Sherman family in the unspoken faculty competition for most children.
This competition appears to be getting to Mr. Josh Aldrich’s head, as he is pushing for the names of his new children to be Greg, Gregory, Sherman, Shermie, and Gregory Sherman. Mrs. Bridgette Aldrich strongly disagrees, however, and is instead proposing the names Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, and Beatrice. While the genders are confirmed to be four boys and one girl, it has not yet been confirmed if the quintuplets will be identical or fraternal, or be born with facial hair, as Mr. Aldrich is predicting.
Once the couple found out they would be having quintuplets, they reported feeling “sheer, unadulterated panic and terror” and “began constructing an addition to [their] house immediately.” The siblings’ sleeping situation will closely resemble “Willy Wonka’s grandparents,” Mr. Aldrich informed us, even though Willy Wonka does not have grandparents. He seemed to be oblivious to this fact and went on to explain that they “ran out of money before [they] could install the roof,” and instead put a “tasteful tarp in place.” The tarp was later revealed to be a very large British flag. The couple already has two young boys, who are both “confus[ed] as to why they have to sleep in a half-completed addition underneath a British flag-styled tarp.”
In the future, both Mr. and Mrs. Aldrich are feeling “hopeful for [their] prospects of getting a new reality TV show, preferably on the BBC if [they] can all commit to [their] accent work.” The family is also “banking on a few appearances on Morning Talk shows to boost up savings,” Mrs. Aldrich added. They plan to kill two birds with one stone by hiring a nanny who happens to be British. This will ensure they have help caring for the quintuplets while they are busy trying to get half asleep high schoolers to pay attention all day, while also increasing the chances of getting on the BBC network. Upon further reflection, Mr. Aldrich came to the realization that although “this is not [the BBC’s] typical programming, they haven’t seen [the] tarp.”
Finalizing the new additions, the family will be “downsizing to a 1976 Mini Cooper” in order to ensure and maintain closeness amongst themselves, the couple stated. As for the kids, it will be a miracle if the baby girl is able to survive having six brothers while living under a British tarp. The Blue & White wishes the Aldrich family much luck on this new chapter of their lives!
Happy April Fools!
